In July 2009 I had a bout of pneumonia. I missed a few weeks of work and was back to work when I felt really weak and tired in the Fall. Around September I left work one day and was told again I had another case of pneumonia. At that time I also had fluid in one of my lungs and was hospitalized. I was inpatient for ten days and they never could figure out what was causing the bouts of pneumonia and the anemia and other issues. I was not feeling that I was improving and my grandmother, who I so dearly loved went home to be with the Lord on October 14th. I had learned in the summer that she had breast cancer (and had chosen for only her two daughters to know at first), she had decided not to have any treatment based on the doctor telling her that it was a non agressive form of cancer. Apparently after about a year it became very agressive and was basically everywhere by that Fall. To be honest, I was so ill myself I couldn't process all that was going on with her, not even when she called me several times the months before she died to say goodbye. The day of her funeral we went 200 miles to attend her funeral, have lunch with family afterwards, then drive home. I don't know how I made it that day. I had lost thrity pounds between September and November when I was hospitalized again. This time the pneumonia was in both lungs and they called in a few specialists, including my cardiologist and an infectious disease doctor. They did a TEE and found that there was an infection on one of my heart valves. Fortunately, it was not on the mechanical valve (which would have meant another heart surgery) but on the mitral valve instead. I had a PICC line put in and was sent home. I was not able to return to work until the following January. I was on home IVs for six weeks. Despite that I was having so much difficulty breathing. I returned to work and was just getting back into the swing of things there when I began coughing all over again. It was terrible. I was asked to stop coughing by coworkers. It was embarassing. I went to the doctor who sent me for an xray and I was told I had another "small pneumonia" and given oral antibiotics. Several days later I went to an ER and again was sent home with the same information and another prescription for antibiotics. Some 48 hours later I went to the big hospital where I had had my heart surgery and was rushed into the ER. Now I was coughing up blood and in respiratory distress. The xray showed I had a "horrible" pneumonia according to three doctors. I was admitted and put on five intravenous antibiotics. I was so sick it took me about five days to even care I was in the hospital. I had numerous CT scans, and other tests done. I think they tested me for everything. I had another PICC line put in. Sent home on more antibiotics, again so very weak. I simply had to get back to work and returned July 1st. What a year July 20009-2010 was.
As though all this were not enough my mother-in-law got angry with us. She felt her son was neglecting her and told me I had changed him. This was a difficult thing for me to go through. I made a post that I had been hurt. Her sister and niece read it and I felt exaggerated it greatly. I gave her time to cool off but when I did call her, she made it clear that the relationship we previously had was gone. So be it. I will not agonize over it any more. I did for awhile but I have prayed and left it in God's hands. Only he can speak to her and show her that a man's sick wife should be his priority.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, April 13, 2009
A Blessed Easter
We attended a wonderful and beautiful Easter service. The sermon was based on an email I had received where a little girl emptied her piggy bank and a surgeon happened to hear her story and went home with her. He performed a free surgery on her brother to save his life. Not sure all emails we receive are true but I would like to think this one was.
My elderly grandmother seems to be having some confusion. This is very upsetting because she wants to talk about wanting to die and telling God that she wants to die. I keep reminding her that we are to be in God's will, not our own. She gets confused and says things that seem to indicate she does not fully think things through. For most of her adult life she has been a dedicated Christian and never did one thing before praying about it. This is just not her and it's sad to watch. I am praying that this will pass and she will return to the loving and pleasant grandmother I grew up with. My father was in the military and we spent many years living with her. Later we built a house around the corner from her. She was always the one in our family who dispensed love. It is hard to think of letting her go when the time comes but I know when the time comes the Lord will get me through it.
My elderly grandmother seems to be having some confusion. This is very upsetting because she wants to talk about wanting to die and telling God that she wants to die. I keep reminding her that we are to be in God's will, not our own. She gets confused and says things that seem to indicate she does not fully think things through. For most of her adult life she has been a dedicated Christian and never did one thing before praying about it. This is just not her and it's sad to watch. I am praying that this will pass and she will return to the loving and pleasant grandmother I grew up with. My father was in the military and we spent many years living with her. Later we built a house around the corner from her. She was always the one in our family who dispensed love. It is hard to think of letting her go when the time comes but I know when the time comes the Lord will get me through it.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Good Friday
Today is Good Friday and the day Jesus was crucified. It's hard to take it all in sometimes. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be born, knowing you were waiting to lay down your life to redeem the souls of others. HE knew from the start how His life would end but he lived a life, without sin, and when the time came, he laid His life down so that we could have eternal life. In my human state, I can not comprehend being able to do that. I know that He knows all about ME. He knew all that I would do before I did it but gave me free will to do it. Then, when the time came and I asked for forgiveness He was there ready to give it.
At times when I have been so very low physically I have thought of the suffering that Jesus endured, not just for me but for each and every person. One day in particular as I lay in my bathroom (of the first house I ever owned) throwing up nonstep from radiation, skin burned so badly under my arms from the radiation and my young son was demanding attention I almost was tempted to pray that my suffering would end. Then it hit me. What was my suffering compared to what HE suffered? I felt so overwhelmed by that sacrifice. I then asked Him to help me, give me strength and courage so that I could face what I had to, let it go when the time came and go forward living life and cherishing it. He answered that prayer for me. I don't always get a yes to everything I ask for. I do always try to accept that whatever answer I get, it is given to me with love of a parent and with knowledge of what I truly need, and not necessarily what I want. Today I stop and think about that great sacrifice and once again, I say thank you Jesus.
At times when I have been so very low physically I have thought of the suffering that Jesus endured, not just for me but for each and every person. One day in particular as I lay in my bathroom (of the first house I ever owned) throwing up nonstep from radiation, skin burned so badly under my arms from the radiation and my young son was demanding attention I almost was tempted to pray that my suffering would end. Then it hit me. What was my suffering compared to what HE suffered? I felt so overwhelmed by that sacrifice. I then asked Him to help me, give me strength and courage so that I could face what I had to, let it go when the time came and go forward living life and cherishing it. He answered that prayer for me. I don't always get a yes to everything I ask for. I do always try to accept that whatever answer I get, it is given to me with love of a parent and with knowledge of what I truly need, and not necessarily what I want. Today I stop and think about that great sacrifice and once again, I say thank you Jesus.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Samaritan's Purse
This Christmas we did something very gratifying. We filled shoe boxes with toys and candy for children. They were given to Samaritan's Purse through my mother's church. It was so wonderful when yesterday we received a mailing showing pics of the children and their boxes. Nearly 8 million were collected and distributed. 4.9 million were collected in the U.S. If you want to find out more or give to another project besides Operation Christmas Child you can check out this great organization (run by Billy Graham's son) at http://www.samaritanspurse.org/.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Forgiveness
An almost magical enabler and facilitator of dialogue ... is the simple request: "Will you forgive me?" The beginning of most human rifts that sabotage love and dialogue is what I call a "wounded spirit." ... We can then easily be trapped in a getting-even game, a back and forth contest. When this begins, the lines of communication are down, the relationship is bleeding, and their is great need of healing....
What I am suggesting here is that most ailing relationships can be restored to health almost miraculously by this simple but sincere request: "Will you forgive me?" In asking the question, I am not assuming all blame. I am not deciding who was right and who was wrong. I am simple asking you to take me back into your love from which I have been separated. The acknowledged need for forgiveness is the most effective means of restoration for wounded spirits. No relationship should go for very long without it.
Quiet Moments With John Powell, S. J.
What I am suggesting here is that most ailing relationships can be restored to health almost miraculously by this simple but sincere request: "Will you forgive me?" In asking the question, I am not assuming all blame. I am not deciding who was right and who was wrong. I am simple asking you to take me back into your love from which I have been separated. The acknowledged need for forgiveness is the most effective means of restoration for wounded spirits. No relationship should go for very long without it.
Quiet Moments With John Powell, S. J.
God Is Love
God's very nature is to love. Just as every being acts always and only according to its nature, so God always and only loves....
An analogy or comparison may help. It is the nature of the sun to give warmth and light. Now you and I can stand under the sun and feel its warmth to make us warm. We can allow its light to fill our senses and surroundings with light. However, we can also separate ourselves from the sun, in partial ways or even completely. We can put a sun umbrella, a parasol, over our heads, or we can lock ourselves in a dark dungeon where the sun cannot possibly reach us. Whatever we do, whether we stand in the sun or separate ourselves from it, we know that the sun itself does not change. The sun does not go out....
Just so, God is love. Because we are free, we can separate ourselves from God's love. We can leave God.... But God, like the sun in our comparison, does not cease to love because we have left.... In a real sense, we can refuse the love of God but we can never lose the love of God.
Quiet Moments With John Powell, S. J.
An analogy or comparison may help. It is the nature of the sun to give warmth and light. Now you and I can stand under the sun and feel its warmth to make us warm. We can allow its light to fill our senses and surroundings with light. However, we can also separate ourselves from the sun, in partial ways or even completely. We can put a sun umbrella, a parasol, over our heads, or we can lock ourselves in a dark dungeon where the sun cannot possibly reach us. Whatever we do, whether we stand in the sun or separate ourselves from it, we know that the sun itself does not change. The sun does not go out....
Just so, God is love. Because we are free, we can separate ourselves from God's love. We can leave God.... But God, like the sun in our comparison, does not cease to love because we have left.... In a real sense, we can refuse the love of God but we can never lose the love of God.
Quiet Moments With John Powell, S. J.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
MY FAMILY LIFE
The previous entries of this blog have been how my faith has helped me through some tough times. I also wanted to blog about my life and home as well. I do work full time and have a wonderful husband. My husband prays for me when I need it. This might seem like a small matter to but anyone who ever had a husband who thought prayer was foolish, you can well appreciate what this means to a woman. My husband is currently out of work and I am arriving home to some wonderful meals and a clean home while he is busy sending out resumes. In the Northeast unemployment is high. I work a stressful job and it's not easy at times but I now have an opportunity to help him, as he helped me when I was unable to work for three years. Sharing and being TRUE partners. I am so appreciative of having a soul mate and I cherish all our time together.
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