The Celebration of our Savior's Birth

This time of year I get teary eyed. I think so often and so gratefully that someone was born only to redeem us from sin. I can feel so unworthy until I remember that he came to make me worthy.

It has been a hard time. I had skin cancer surgery. My blood pressure has been very high and I have had fluid in my lungs. These are all the things that were caused by my radiation treatments so many years ago. The doctor said she feels I may be showing signs of congestive heart failure.
Does that scare me? NO. I was granted so many extra years to live....and live I have. I have loved life. I will do all I can to remain here for as long as God expects me to stay. I do not fear death. I am sad to leave behind loved ones and friends. I do not take to heart what the doctor says because I know that only God knows and determines how long I will live.
If I was told I would die tomorrow I would be grateful for all the bonus time I was given. Time to see my son grow up and many other wondrous things. The time has gone so quickly. I hope for more but I am happy for what I have had. I know that there is more to come and I take great comfort in that.

My Story Continues........

After Tom was better I began to have some problems with anxiety. I was shopping in a grocery store when suddenly I felt as though I would pass out. I had the overwhelming sense to flee and I did just that. A week or so later it happened again and again I fled. Later did I learn this was the worst thing I could have done. I began to see a therapist who tried to help me. In the end I read some books on anxiety and joined a support group. It took me years of having these attacks before I could get any kind of control over them. During this time Tom's Dad and I had serious problems. He would belittle me for them. If I prayed he would tell me I was wasting my time. This began the downward spiral which lead to our divorce. During this time he began to tell me things that he had previously lied to me about. Two of my attacks were so severe I called a friend who was an EMT. She saw me and kept saying she felt I had heart problems. I shrugged it off until about a year later an internist told me that I had two bad heart murmurs. Right after my radiation had ended I knew I had developed a murmur. That was mitral valve which is common and I wasn't overly worried. At this time I had another test which showed my aortic valve was now leaking with regurgitation. It also had stenosis which was diagnosed as mild. Over the next few years I had several tests done and for a while it remained the same. Shortly after I moved to my new house and remarried, it was worse. I was then asked to have a more involved procedure and that showed I needed the valve replaced quickly. The stenosis was worse and I was risking going into heart failure if I waited too long.