My Son's Story Begins

For the next several years I went for frequent check ups. Everytime I had a swollen lymph node from a virus or infection the doctors had me get a check x ray and blood work. Once the radiologist said that it was so fortunate I had not had chemo yet so WHEN the cancer came back I would have that to fall back on. As more and more years went by, I began to relax and realize that I was totally delivered from this disease. I remember after seven years focusing on the fact that every cell in my body was new and there was still no cancer. At some point I realized that I was never going to have any more children. Despite the precautions they had taken I was never able to get pregnant again. That was difficult to accept but I comforted myself by thinking that my son was healthy and any further children I had might have been exposed to radiation in my body, so perhaps that was for the best.

I began taking college courses and for three years (I started when my son was 13) I went off on tangents such as taking piano lessons and music courses. It seemed like I had a real life again. During the Springof 1990 my son came down with a horrible case of chicken pox. My doctors were worried because I had never had them. He was desperately ill and I had to take him several times to do the doctor when the office was closed, to avoid spreading them to others. He was still seeing a pediatrician. He began to lose all his color and when he slept he woke up soaked. I attributed this to his fever. A few weeks later when the outbreak was over he was still having some of the profuse sweating and his color was terrible. I took him back to the pediatrician who became alarmed when she saw his blood counts. She told me she was afraid he might have leukemia and he needed to be seen by a hemotologist right away. We made the appointment and saw a pediatric oncologist. He said that although my son's blood counts seemed to be coming back, he did think he was showing signs of early leukemia and that he wanted him to have a bone marrow. By now it was summer. I knew the phsycial discomfort of a bone marrow and I was very reluctant to that idea. As weeks went on Tom seemed to recover and I prayed and was ever hopeful this was a fluke. The doctor kept monitoring his blood and determined the day after Labor Day he would have to have the marrow done to see what was going on. We got to the hospital early in the morning and I fought to have him put to sleep for the test. They did it in the ICU unit and he was anesthitized. Shortly afterwards the doctor came into the room and told us it was deffinitely leukemia. I nearly fainted. I fell into a chair. There was a minister there, trying to speak to us but I just couldn't hear anything else. Again, the cancerous lion was at my door. Now this time looking to devour my child. My grief was unspeakable. Before long they were wheeling Tom's bed back into his room and I had to put on a brave show. I explained that he had leukemia. It would be at least a few days before we would know if he had ALL (commonly called childhood) or AML (adult). We were told to hope for childhood as the cure rate was better. That morning they introduced me to Paula. Her son Danny was 14 and in the next room. He was diagnosed with AML shortly before and having chemo. She hugged me and told me that I would be alright. I had no choice.