Part II

I had my son Tommy's third birthday party and shortly after I was admitted to the hospital. I was so anxiety ridden I fainted in admissions when they took blood. I kind of woke up in a hospital bed with my clothes on. The nurses were so kind to me and I had a wonderful roommate who was about my age. A college student named Stephanie with very high blood pressure. We talked about books and she was a great distraction. They did some preliminary things and the day they were doing the biopsy they moved me to another room. It was a private room and I wondered if they felt I would need the privacy. That morning they took me in and swabbed my neck. I was awake and the surgeon was having a discussion about his golf game. I felt his tone change and then he sewed me up and I was whisked back to my room. Later in the day a hemotologist came into the room and introduced himself. Thirty years later I can still picture what he was wearing...down to his Indian silver and turquoise jewelery. He told me that I had Hodgkins disease and my response was "Thank God I don't have cancer." He looked at me with shock and asked me what I thought Hodgkins disease was. "I dont' know." He explained there were two kinds of lymphomas; Hodgkins and non Hodgkins. He said I had the Hodgkins variety. There were four types of Hodgkins disease and preliminarily they thought I had type two. They would need more testing and a confirmation of that. I remember the sensation I suddenly felt. It was as though my body were falling...through the bed ..... through the floor........through the Earth itself. Then the first thought hit me. I might not survive this. I might not be here to raise my three year old son. I asked the doctor to give me a minute to let this sink in. He told me he would be back the following day and tell me more. I would need a bone marrow aspiration to make sure it hadn't spread to my bones. I would be also be having a lymphangiogram. I picked up the phone and called my husband. I told him and he was just quiet. I wanted him to tell me that he couldn't live without me that there was no way I would be taken from my son. Instead he said that he had been reading up on my symptoms and he felt that Hodgkins seemed the most likely. He came at lunch time, acted very normal and left less than an hour later. He was picking Tommy up from my mother's so she could come to the hospital.
The following morning they came in with some very large looking needle. I was in a teaching hospital and what I didn't know was this was a resident. He attempted several times before finally getting some marrow. It was very painful and suddenly I began to have problems. I had to have my hips elevated and learned he had taken a piece of the cortical bone, a sizeable piece. He was in my hip seven times and you can see this on an x ray now. As though that were not eventful enough during the night some man who was an alchoholic in the hospital to dry out got loose, pulled out his catheter and came to visit me. Imagine me, on pain meds and in a lot of pain opening my eyes. I hear something dripping but don't know what it could be. My private room was quite dark, the nurses kept the door shut but this guy had opened it a tiny bit. "Bathe me." Well I must have heard that wrong and asked him to repeat it, which he did over and over. Again I am hearing dripping and feeling something wet through the covers dripping onto my leg. I press the buzzer over and over but no nurse comes. At this point the man puts his leg on my bed as though he is going to climb in. I feared him causing me PAIN and I began to scream. That's when the nurse threw open the door, turned on the light and suddenly I see the man is naked, blood is what's dripping. She literally drug him out of my room calling to me she will be right back. She is very upset and apologizes over and over. At this point, all I care about is having relief for my pain in my hip. The next day all the nurses and doctors who know me are popping their heads in to tease me about luring sick men to my room...my private room. Anything to distract me. I had this wonderful nuse named Leeta. She held my hand when I was having the bone marrow. I nearly squeezed her hand and crushed it but she never left until it was done. She always checked in on me after that even when I wasn't her patient and God love her, she once bought me White Castle burgers. I shall never forget your kindness.